You’re Just Going To Have To Accept That

A lot of times I go through old pictures on my phone or I go back a few years on my Instagram and think “why did I take that specific moment for granted”. I used to party, drink endless amounts of beer, go to raves where somehow we’d be the center of attention, and did such stupid things that all I can do is laugh at those memories now. I was a super competitive soccer player since the age of 3 up until the age of 20 when I got sick. I used to go to the beach day after day, for hours on end so that I could be really tan. Before the age of 20, when all of the above situations and events took place, I never truly appreciated what I was able to do. It wasn’t until all of that was taken away that I really appreciated those times in my life, even if they weren’t the healthiest of choices. There will be numerous times in your life when you’ll realize that you aren’t who you were a few years ago. You’ll have an entirely new mindset, your personality won’t be exactly the same, and odds are you won’t even look the same to the point where you say “was that really me?” There will be many forms of “Hailey” that manifest throughout my lifetime and just as many deaths of old Haileys that will only be remembered by looking at pictures. There’s has to be balance, that’s just how the universe works. Your life won’t always be amazing and it won’t always be shitty. But you can’t have one without the other. Appreciate every goddamn thing while you can before it’s taken away. Things need to be taken from you in order for new opportunities to present themselves. And the only way to deal with changes in your life is to just accept them. Don’t dwell on any situation in your life because you won’t be able to change it. You can only change how you react. I accept that I’m not that 130lb soccer player that wanted to make a career out of it. I accept that I can’t go lay out on the beach all day without my body screaming at me in pain. I accept that I’m not that drunk girl that danced her ass off in a sea of people at raves. That Hailey overstayed her welcome. The new me pushed its way through. And all I can do is accept it and embrace myself for what i am. I may not be able to outrun anyone anymore or have the strength to dance to the full length of a song anymore, but I accept that. I accept that I need to take my time when doing every fucking thing under the sun. I accept myself in all forms at all times. By becoming ill, I’ve realized that the universe was telling me that I didn’t have an option. I needed to break free from my overly active lifestyle and take time for myself in order to become more aligned with my purpose in this life. Even if I don’t agree with my body, I know that where I’m at in my life is just another lesson. And at 23 years old, I’ve learned that I can’t take anything for granted, not even the small stuff. If you take away one thing from this long ass post, just be grateful for every fucking thing you’re able to do right now in this moment. Because one day you might not be able to. And you’re just going to have to accept that.

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